Before I begin just a little background about me.  My name is Robin and I live in New Jersey.  The particulars are not important because my story could be anyone's.  I met my X in college at the age of 17 and from that time on we were pretty much best friends until we married at age 23 in grad school.  We had 3 beautiful kids and were married 25 years. Up until the last 7 years of our marriage I thought everything was the way it should be.  He never treated me special or seemed to desire my company much but i thought that was what marriage was.  I guess you could say I never had much self esteem.  It was after my mom died I realized that there was really nothing in our marriage.  Like dutiful parents we went to marriage counseling for 3 years but at the end of that time I realized there was really nothing to save and asked for a divorce.  He refused to go on dates with me or even attend family vacations.  The last straw hit when I told him i wanted to go out on a date with him just like the marriage counselor suggested and he accused me of just wanting to spend his money.  After 30 years of being with someone you can bet that hit the spot.  i could no longer fool myself  into believing he cared.