Don't be too proud--accept everything the law offers

Even if you are sure that you can take care of yourself and want to prove to your ex that you don't need him anymore don't take the risk.  One thing I have learned is you never know what the future will bring and if your state offers you full alimony for life take it.  Don't let them convince you to take less than you deserve.  If you were married over 10 years you supported your spouse.  It doesn't matter if it was emotionally or financially.   You were there and you deserve to be able to continue the life you were accustomed to.  No one has the right to make you feel you deserve nothing or less.  It is important in this economy with people being laid off left and right without notice to protect yourself. 

Next step- Get a good lawyer and let him negotiate everything he can for you.

I always thought of myself as a well educated independent woman but the truth is most of my children s life  I had been a stay at home mom and although I had various degrees one of them a Master's and a paralegal certificate in the real world I did not have that many years of working experience.  I was presently working part time and decided I was going back to school to get another advanced degree and training. 

I did something I should never have done.  I put myself in a situation I should never have.  My false pride convinced me that it would be easy to find a job if i did this but I never took into consideration the tanking of the economy which happened just about the time I graduated. Not only were people with experience being laid off left and right but anyone coming out of school was finding nothing but minimum wage positions no matter what their degree.

I thank God I wasn't completely stupid and did follow my lawyers advice and apply for alimony for life which I received but my stupidly and pride cost me because the amount was limited due to the fact my X insisted I could support myself.  I know if I hadn't gone back to school and  just stayed with the part time job I wouldn't be in the position I am now unemployed furiously looking for another job and hoping I get one before I lose my townhouse.

 One thing I learned that I hope can help someone else going though the divorce process is Divorce is a Business.  Don't be so nice. Take everything the state offers because this is your future and no one else s.  My X is still furious with me that I accepted alimony at all from him.   But if I hadn't I would have nothing right now.   Oh yeah don't rely on child support because the amount you get is a joke and no woman or man could support a child on it.  Also it ends at age 18 which I learned the hard way is absolutely no help when your child wants to go to college and you now have to pay half their expenses too.

Before I begin just a little background about me.  My name is Robin and I live in New Jersey.  The particulars are not important because my story could be anyone's.  I met my X in college at the age of 17 and from that time on we were pretty much best friends until we married at age 23 in grad school.  We had 3 beautiful kids and were married 25 years. Up until the last 7 years of our marriage I thought everything was the way it should be.  He never treated me special or seemed to desire my company much but i thought that was what marriage was.  I guess you could say I never had much self esteem.  It was after my mom died I realized that there was really nothing in our marriage.  Like dutiful parents we went to marriage counseling for 3 years but at the end of that time I realized there was really nothing to save and asked for a divorce.  He refused to go on dates with me or even attend family vacations.  The last straw hit when I told him i wanted to go out on a date with him just like the marriage counselor suggested and he accused me of just wanting to spend his money.  After 30 years of being with someone you can bet that hit the spot.  i could no longer fool myself  into believing he cared.